2013 NCAA college basketball tournament uniforms by adidas. / adidas
Adidas' new college basketball uniforms are a miracle, mainly because they manage to make those stupid-looking sleeved jerseys their second most preposterous feature.
Animal-striped shorts are the lowlight of the new uniforms six Adidas schools -- Baylor, Cincinnati, Kansas, Louisville, Notre Dame and UCLA -- will wear this March. Remember Fruit Stripe gum? Whoever designed these uniforms did.
Nothing has been mocked on the Internet this badly and this quickly since that Friday video.
1. Unless Adidas executives were going for a "Life of Pi tiger going swimming in an ocean full of Kool-Aid," look, I can't imagine what they were trying for with those shorts. Is Zubaz getting royalties for this?
2. Baylor and Cincinnati wearing gimmicky uniforms are fine. Even Louisville, with a deep basketball history but no conference roots, can get a pass. But how can athletic directors from college basketball blue bloods like Kansas and UCLA let this travesty take place? Last I checked, the rules of basketball, written by former Kansas coach James Naismith, say nothing about wearing shorts that look like the ugliest pair of bathing trunks you saw on your last trip to the beach.
3. Michigan and N.C. State had good enough sense to say no to Adidas, reports Sports Business Daily. In other news, we are all becoming Michigan and N.C. State fans this March.
4. I'm sure at most of these photo shoots, photographers tell the subjects to "look tough." For some reason, smiling while posing new uniforms is strictly forbidden. That's hard to do. These are college basketball players, not Naomi Campbell. After a few shots, the photog probably has to yell "no, don't grin, look tougher, look angry, look like you're mad at the world," because it's hard to capture that perfect stony-faced glare that pops in catalogs and online. In this case, I don't think the photographer had to worry. Those cheerless faces came naturally once the players looked in the mirror.
5. Notre Dame finally got a jersey to match Digger Phelps' highlighter.
6. We haven't even mentioned the sleeves! Look at those things. Not only do they have the stripes, they're as short as the sleeves on baby doll T-shirts. Did they rip-off both Zubaz and Touch by Alyssa Milano?
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